SCHADENFRUEDE REVIEW
“Cottonpickin' Chicken Pickers”
Debuting two years before the Country Comedy TV Classic “HEE-HAW”, the cinematic brow-creaser, “Cotton Picking Chicken Pickers”, pioneered the use of country music themes, characters and music for comedic purposes. Except for, of course, the comedy.
Cotton Picking Chicken Pickers features eight country songs which don’t empirically reach our standards of badness. They are competently sung, fulfill the Nashville hit song formula of the time, and are backed up by adequate arrangements. Unfortunately, they are surrounded by cinematic Mustard Gas. Any relief the songs may have provided the original viewers of this movie would have been eclipsed by the overall stench of every other frame of this Farm born comedy which should have been used as fertilizer in that same farm.
Now, gather around the pickle barrel and take a big briny bite of the plot of this movie. CPCP,is about one guy in red pants and another guy in a red jacket who want to be famous so they ho-bo a train and accidentally wind up in Florida. Then comedy ensues. Unfortunately, comedy’s en-sue-ing is tossed out of court and Reality Conter-en-sues with the unholy power of Three Johnny Cochrane’s. To get you warmed up, the first song is sung by a scary gent who looks just like Shoney’s Big Boy on a train car behind a bale of hay next to a horse. He just pops up and starts singing, the weird part is that instead of stabbing him in the face and stealing the horse, the two Red Clad men just sit and listen.
The sound quality is a problem with any cut of the film, or rather a blessing, as The Schadenfreude Conclave has concluded there is not a single joke that works. And yes, a handicap was allowed for the age of the film and the South’s loss of the Civil War. Even with these bonus points, the humor sucks to the very core of the Earth, spewing forth the magma of horribleness upon every eye that witnesses this crime of the Thalian art! Prat falls fail, jokes aren’t, clever word play isn’t and the performers flounder in a sea of bad ideas poorly executed. The Schadenfruede Conclave is still reeling from the heady fumes of failure!
In addition, the stereotypes are truly superbly offensive. We get to see the classic Hillbilly, along with a swamp Indian, a drunken doctor, and four dumb girls and their swimsuits. The girls in their little camp will delight you with the instant decision to make some men their boyfriends simply because they showed up at their campsite. To relate the entire catalogue of instances of idiocy will eat too many bytes in our hard drive. Time has mellowed this stinker into a perfect Schadenfruede vintage, superb to witness and bad for the whole family!
Some fun stuff particular to this flick are:
The explosions at the end of the film
That damn red jacket with the hood
Mel Tellis not stuttering
The Charles Nelson Reilly Impersonator
Featuring the Cadillac-Boat!
Classsic bad movie elements contained in this Flick
Bad car chase, slow and pointless
Bad writing
Pointless large breasted girl in a bathing suit
The explosions at the end of the film
THE DRINKING GAME FOR “CottonPickin’ Chicken Pickers”
DRINK WHEN:
Whenever a song begins
Whenever a song ends
You see the hillbilly
The blockade gets smashed!
CHUG A WHOLE BEER WHEN:
The Cadillac-Boat floats on the river
The boys get caught chickin pickin’!
IF ONE HAS TO WRITE A COLLEGE ESSAY FOR FILM CLASS
As the paradigms used in Beckett’s “Waiting for Godot” have evaporated in the cultural milieu we obliquely call the Modern Media, we must move on to ‘CottonPickin’ Chicken Pickers” to provide us with a new symbolic tale of mankind lost in it’s own environment, or even in it’s own mind. The rural motif is exploded here as a false icon, a deliberate mask over the realpolitik of consumerism. This is centered in the line, “ I don’t care what else they are, ‘cuz they are Cotton Pickin Chickepickers!” As we all are, if we dare to steal a moment of time from the forces that would remove the benefits of consciousness from our cultural landscape.
SCHADEN FREUDEN SCORE
Elements: 10 (out of 10 )
Titillation: 1 (out of 5)
Wrongness: 3 (out of 5)
Style & Funness: 5 (out of five)
Extra points: 5 (out of five)
TOTAL: 24 ( out of 30 )
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