This might do nobody any good.

A WORD OR TWO ABOUT BEING HATED

To be properly hated and reviled, first you must deserve it. This is a difficult task in these post modern times. Even Hitler has friends on Facebook, for heaven’s sake. Hell also has Facebook friends, but Hell was always a good place for the company, if not the weather. And speaking of Mark Twain, let us return to the point.

Let us first separate some chaff from the wheat of our loathing. Like love, we rarely mean it when we say we hate. ‘Hate’ functions similar to swearing, which we use to replace coherent words when our thoughts are moving too fast. We don’t actually hate everything we say we hate. It’s one of those bad habits we Citizens of Superpower Land have obtained.

Do you know those, “people you love to hate” on TV, books, internet and movies? You actually don’t hate them. You can’t. silly! They’re fictional! Even reality TV stars are fictional. Any appearance on television for an entire season automatically renders you 51% fictional, with the percentage growing every show after

Also, we are not referring to anyone dead. Hitler, Edi Amin, Bedford Forrest or even J. Edgar Hoover are not hated in the active, flaming, Madaline Kahn sense. They are dead. Nobody really hates a corpse.

And, as religion still inspires us to sin and feel bad for it, we must create a category for things between dead and fictional which is the realm of all things sacred. So, Satan, Shiva and all the gods of evil that you think you might hate, nope. You don’t. You just hate the devil in yourself, and that’s for another essay.

This leaves us with famous Hatables such as Ghadafi and Jane Fonda, and local hatables such as that guy in your office you can’t stand and that bitch who screwed around on your best friend. It’s often true that the famous ones are hated just for being famous, which is funny and makes Satan laugh. Now there are other perfectly good reasons for hating these people, but I would still call this a ‘sporting’ kind of hate; the hatred for the other team, for the guy trying to get your ball. It’s not personal, as the strong like to say, but if it’s not personal, it’s not hate.

Those who have survived the above human strainer of intent, they and only they, are the truly Hatable. So, this means they are people you know. A person you know who has done wrong to you, to someone else, or to many people.

But that’s not all. To be hated, this must also pretend to be other than they actually are. After all, an honest asshole is just an asshole, what you see is what you get. But the one who pretends, who lies, who acts upon the opposite of his stated beliefs, this person is the one you hate, the one you. . . . .
What exactly? What does the all Hate we have justified with the above rationalizations necessitate? It must mean something, this intense feeling must have an action to accompany it, but which action? Once we know we hate somebody, and we have made sure they deserve it, do we seek their destruction? Do we strive to cause them pain? Do we prank call them and deliver twenty pizzas to their house? Or do we blacklist them economically, so they cannot work? How about a punch in the eye? A kick in the groin?

Obviously, forgiveness is out of the question.

So, let’s do this instead.

First, let us not confront the person with even the possibility of reform. We hate them and they deserve it and that is way too much fun to just give it up. So when speaking to each other we shall insult, revile, up-turn our noses and tsk tsk about the Hatable, and reassure each other that we are much better people. Then, we’ll put our heads together and relate all the excellent reasons to hate our Hatable, and we shall seek more reasons and even make them up if we have to! It’s hatred, Brother, we don’t need truth. Then comes the juiciest part of all. We can snub them, and refuse to talk to them, and cut them off completely from our lives. We will destroy them with ignoring them! Of course! The most devastating we can do to these horrible people is remove ourselves from them! Yes! Ha! Revenge is ours and it tastes so good!

Well, stick a finger down your throat and relive the flavor, because that is the worst thing you can do. The idea is to punish them, not to give them hope! And that is exactly what the absence of your friendship does. Remember, these people became bad in your presence. They became hated in your company and under your very eyes. The qualities that made them stinking sacks of monkey crap were fashioned by, at least in part, by your presence. If you cut them off, then they will be forced to come under new influences, or be left to their own devices. If this occurs, there is a possibility they might, hold on to yourself, become happy.

Holy crap! Someone you hate being happy?! Perish the Thought, and while you are at it strangle Reason as well. We don’t want to leave Reason all by itself without a Thought, it would be too cruel.

So, stays friends with the Hatables. Keep on being very same influence that helped them to be hated in the first place. If you can, encourage them to continue in the same behavior. It’s your responsibility to maintain the status quo, don’t ever change the way things really are. God put hate in your heart for a reason, and weakness in the Hatables for another. Trust in his plan for your happiness. Let’s just hope he doesn’t hate you.